Friday, January 25, 2013

A Year from Now

 I know, everyone and their dog have pinned this, but I love it nonetheless. 

Food for thought...and I've been thinkin of it on the daily.
What do you wish you'd started a year ago?  

If that list is a mile long-and full of lots of silly things like, 'read all the classics' & 'learn everything there is to know about jazz and orchids', like mine, it may be better to ask what you would do if you had only one year left
Just one.

   When my dad found out he had only 6 weeks left of life, priorities shifted and made themselves painfully clear, as I suppose they would to any of us. That day he was forced, along with the rest of his family for a while, to focus on the absolute essentials.

For my dad, relationships with the people he loved suddenly became vital. This man, who was not present on my wedding day, began calling me once or twice daily to tell me how much he loved me, to call me "gorgeous", to tell me how proud I made him. Apologizing for past hurts and giving his heart completely to those he hadn't for so long became a must. 'I'll do it later' wasn't an option anymore; there was no longer a later. 

In those few weeks he started, and in many ways completed, so many of the really important things he'd been meaning to get around to for years but was too afraid to start.

I think of my dad when I read the quote above and I'd write this so much better for his sake if I could.

So...what's on your "tomorrow list" and what's still there after you boil it down?

My essentials? Here's a couple...
Change location. Getting out of this neighborhood has been high on my list of to-do's for abouuuuut 6 years now (from the day we moved in). I need safe. I need walkable. I need community. I have none of that presently, and I honestly feel like a prisoner in my home. In the last month there was a gang related drive-by and a man was stabbed 18 times walking to Walgreens only blocks from my home. We are making this change THIS YEAR; our health and happiness depend on it.

Live fully in the moment. I feel like my days are disappearing at the speed of light because I am always worried about what's next. I fail to appreciate the present moment with my son...rocking him to sleep, smelling his hair, holding his hand, cradling him in my arms...being 100% present in that moment because I'm always worrying about what's coming. What should I cook for lunch? What activity should we do after lunch? What time should he nap? What should we do after nap? etc...
I also need to eliminate the words SUPPOSED TO from my vocab...especially when it comes to mothering. When it comes to Hudson I find that I am constantly asking: is this what we're supposed to do? I'm a girl who wants black and white and an owners manual and performance evaluations...but this is absurd!
I need to stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and whether or not I'm doing it RIGHT. I love my son with my whole heart, I give him my very best, and make each decision with his best interests in mind.

Being able to do that for the.most.incredible little person is one thing I'm glad I didn't wait another year to do!



  1. Good for you guys...I really hope you find the perfect place to live!!!!

  2. Absolutely beautiful. I have thought about this idea many times, and honestly I don't know that I really would be doing anything different, except probably signing off of social networking. I'm so glad you and your dad had that time to reconnect before he passed. Love you so very much, cousin!